One Big Mistake
by xxela
Summary: "Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life."  Eli did something really bad. When Clare finds out how will she deal with? Well, let's just say BAD! A story about a boy seeking forgiveness and a girl trying to move on.
1. Mistake

**Hey, Readers. I'm Alexx. This is my new story. I just wrote it when i was bored and trying to come up with another chapter for "The Goldworthys". Anyways this is just a very small chapter. Just a breif idea of what the story is about. Anyways, Degarssi was pretty heavy duty on Friday and Eli looks so cute in his "Degrassi Drama" shirt don't you think?**

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**Chapter 1: Mistake**

_**Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life. ~Sophia Loren**_

I wake up late in the night. This mistake is killing me. I have to tell Clare, I have to but I can't. I can't bring myself to ruin our relationship. The only person who knows my wrong-doing is Adam. Well, there's _**her **_too.

I lay back down on my bed forcing myself to go back to sleep. Later, I wake up again gasping for air. I'm sweating but I'm cold at the same time. I need to tell Clare now. I must not be thinking clearly because I pull out my phone and dial her number.

She answers after the third ring with a mumbled "hello." Her soft voice usually calms me but not now.

"What's so important your calling me so late?" Clare asked. Usually it would sound bitchy but Clare says in away that I know she's only joking.

"Uh. Clare." I stop from the lost of words.

"Eli?"

I just let the silence take me. Shit. What the fuck am I doing? I really thought I would have enough courage to tell Clare? Wow, I'm so stupid. Right, now I'm deciding to whether hang up on her or lie. I can't lie I've already engaged in enough sins. I'm going to tell her.

"Clare...I did something really bad." Clares silent on the other end.

"What?" she whispers.

"Clare...I...sl-slept...with..B-Bianca." I'm crying so hard that I don't even know if she understood. But when I hear sobs on the other line I know she heard. I know she knows my mistake. Fuck, Eli why did you have to tell her? I'm in so much shit now!

"Oh my god!" I hear Clare cry into the phone. And then she hangs up on me. A sign of rejection. Shit. This hurts way more then I imagined. All this fucking shit because of one mistake. One big mistake.

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**Like?**

**Anyways review please! One review equals one more chapter! I'm working on the next chapter "write" now. (hahaha little play on words)**


	2. Trust

**Bonjour, Readers! Here's chapter two. It's a little bit longer. I'll try to increase the length even more. I don't know where this story is going but will see. So this chapter is about TRUST. A big issue with couples, i think. Anyways read!

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**Chapter 2 Trust**

_**"When mistrust comes in, love goes out."**_

I walk cautiously to my locker. A million questions going through my mind. Will Clare be there? Will she even be talking to me? And if she isn't will she ever? I shut up my mind and slower my pace. I need a few more moments to plan out what to say to Clare. Then I see her.

She's there wearing a pink blouse and a pair of jeans that hug her hips so perfectly. Aw. Just looking at her beautiful body makes me weak at the knees. I walk over to my locker and open it grabbing my books from the top shelf.

Clare rummages through her locker ignoring my presence. I'm frustrated. I didn't really want to make the first move. The silence is swallowing me. I clear my throat.

"Uh..Hi Clare?" I say. She flinches slightly. Her shoulders rise and her nose twitches. She's uncomfortable. Uncomfortable around me. Great. You fucked up big time, Eli.

She slams her locker and trots her way down the hallway saying no words to me. She is ignoring me. This is going to be a long day.

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"Ok class today we are going to start our poetry unit. We'll spend a month our so creating a poem anthology. I'm letting you pick your theme. Now converse with your partners." Miss Dawes says.

The class shifts there chairs to get into their partnerships. I sit there still wondering what's going to happen. Clare stands up for a second then sits back down in her seat. I decide to spike up a conversation.

"So what to you think your going to do your theme on?" I ask Clare. No answer. Clare just sits there not taking her eyes of her paper. She picks up her pencil and starts to write down something.

I peak over looking at what she has written. Pain. Sorrow. Betrayal. Depression. Lying. And Cheating. All words I know surface around of what I did to her. I feel immediate guilt. I broke Clare Edwards's heart. I'm an ass.

I turn my chair around so she no longer has to see me if she looks up. I just sit in my seat thinking about how much I screwed up. This all started with one small lie. Then one stupid mistake that led to an even bigger mistake which led to an even bigger mistake. I now realize I don't deserve Clare, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming for a better day when Clare forgives me.

I feel my phone vibrate and I take it out of my pocket. It's a text message from Adam.

**Dude, how you dealing? Lunch at the Dot?**

I quickly text him back.

**Never been worst. Sounds good.**

I put my phone back into my pocket and watch the clock waiting for lunch to come already.

* * *

"Man, she won't even talk to you?" Adam says like he doesn't believe me. I nod.

I reach for my sandwich and take bite from it. Mayo, chicken and honey mustard tingles my taste buds. It brings me back to that time I took Clare out for a picnic. She was so excited. I even remember what she wore. A beautiful red sundress. I showed a fair amount of cleavage. I remember taking occasional looks at her chest. I feel the food coming back up but a force my self the swallow to shove it back down.

"So how you dealing with all this shit?" Adam asks for like the billionth time.

"Not so well. It's like Julia all over again but less extreme. Everything I come in contact with brings up a memory of the good times. I miss them." I say. I can't believe I admitted that to Adam. I sound like a fucking loser. But it's true. I can't get Clare Edwards out of my head.

"Gosh, man." Adam says. But the next thing that comes out of his mouth is the one that destroys me.

"Why'd you do it?" He asks.

I'm at a lost for words. The reason I did it? Uh I have no clue. It may be the fact that it was the anniversary of Julia's death.

I didn't want to drop all of my sorrow on Clare. She didn't need it. So when she asked me "Are you ok?" I answered "I'm fine." A total lie. I ran out of my house that day after talking to her on the phone and got in Morty. I drove to the cemetery.

When I saw Julia's cemetery I was hysterical. I cried for hours and went to LCBO. I bought a bottle of wine and sat in Morty drinking it. Letting my pain slip away. I was drunk. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing. But I ended up the next morning in bed beside Bianca naked and a heart full of regret.

"I don't know." I said hiding the truth from Adam. He looks at me sympathetically and leans in to rub my hand. It's a very soothing gesture. And I was thankful for a friend like Adam. Biologically a girl or not.

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I sit in front of my locker waiting for rare a glimpse of Clare. I read a comic while I wait for Clare. It's not Clare who comes but her perky friend Alli. She stares me down waiting for me to stand up and face her. I do. I then notice she quite short. Shorter than Clare. Ah. Clare. Where is she?

"You're an ass you know, Eli." She says. She opens Clares locker and looks around for something.

"I know." Is all I say.

"You broke her heart. You ripped it into shreds and burned it." She has found what she was looking for and closes the locker. She turns around and faces me.

"Don't even think about getting back together. You guys never will." Those words sting.

"A boy can still dream." I say. She frowns and turns her back to me. I watch her as she walks away. She's carrying what-looks-like Clare's diary. I know Clare's locker combo but does Clare really distrust me that much. Fuck, yeah. I fucking cheating on her. I lost all her trust.

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**Like?**

**The poetry anthology thing may be a little young for high schoolers but i was stuck for an idea. Anyways review. I'm going to go work on the next chapter. Let's say two review equal another chapter? REVIEW NOW! please?**


	3. Courage

**Hey, Readers. I got two reviews so heres the next chapter. I wrote it late in the night so it might not be as good as i thought it would be but...thats ok. Its a little short but the next chapter i will try to make super long. It probably wont be up for like two days. **

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**Chapter 3 Courage**

_**"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."**_

_I look at Clare. She stood there in front of me naked. Her porcelain skin shines in the darkness._

_I stare in awe at her miraculous curves. Shit. This girl is so sexy. I run over to her and grab her. Her cold skin against mine. _

_Then she's on top of me. And she's so good at it. I mean who would think Saint Clare is a good lover? I thrust harder and harder and then she pushes her self off of me._

_Her ocean blue eyes stare at me. She cocks her head and anger grows in her eyes. _

"_Why did you cheat on me Eli?"_

"_WHY?"_

"_WHY?"_

"_WHY"_

"_WHY"_

_Why, why, why..._

I wake up gasping for air. I push the covers off of me. I look down at the mess. Shit. I get out of bed and take off my soaked boxers. I trudge into my bathroom and start up a shower.

The water is warm. I use lots of soap and clean myself. Shit. I'm a fucking mess. Having sexy dream about a girl who won't even talk to me. It was weird it was like a wet dream that turned into a nightmare.

I wash away the soap suds a stay in the shower a little longer liking the warmth. It calms me. When I step out of the shower I'm overwhelmed with cool wintry air. I grab my towel and wrap it around me tight.

I go back into my bedroom and find myself a new pair of boxers. Quietly, without waking up my parents I change my sheets.

I hop back in bed hoping for some rest. But I get none. An only reminder of Clare's hatred towards me fills my mind.

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"Hey, sexy." Bianca whispers in my ear. I shove her arm off my shoulder.

"Dr. Doom grumpy today?" she taunts.

"Bianca, you're the last person I want to be seen with."

"Gosh, who kicked your nards? Did Miss Saint find out about us?" Bianca smiles and reaches down to touch my crotch. I groan at the contact and push her hand away.

"Hmm. Miss Saint found out. Well, since you guys are over now...I have this new piece of lingerie that I really need a guy's opinion on. Up for the favour?" Bianca asks. She's such a bitch to think that I would even cheat on Clare again, even though were broken up. I glare at Bianca.

"Gosh, I liked you better when you were wasted. See you later, boy toy." She sneers. I'm disgusted with the new nickname. I watch her walk away thinking how drunk was I too have slept with her? Probably, really drunk.

I turn around to see Clare. She's not any where close but I know she just heard our conversation. She stares at me for moment. Our first eye contact in what seems like days. Her gaze travels down and she walks away. I'm so fucked that I follow her.

I hide behind a tree watching Clare approach Alli. She's got a look of urgency on her face. She clears her throat.

"He was drunk." She practically screams.

"Clare, just because a person was drunk when they did something wrong doesn't mean they have an excuse for their sin." Alli says matter factly. I'm really starting to hate this girl.

"But...he didn't know what he was doing. So...he...he never...meant to hurt me." Clare argues.

"Are you thinking about getting back with him?" Alli exclaims.

"Ummm...I don't know I just may be my reaction was a little too wild."

"Clare, he firkin cheated on you with Bianca. Clare I know how you feel. Drew did the same thing. I took him back. Don't be stupid like me." Alli begs. I remember hearing about that from Adam. This is why Alli hates me so much.

"But...Alli...I...I..." The next thing she said made me want to expose my self and kiss her. "I...love him. My feelings for him...Just won't go away." Clare starts to cry. Alli hugs her.

"Oh, Clare. It's ok. You will get over him. OK? I'm going to help you move on." Alli reassures Clare.

NO. Clare just admitted she loved me. This is the part where were suppose to get back together. And we kiss again. And we make love again. And we...Shit.

My head is spinning. Should I go run into Clare's arms and tell her everything that bitch says is shit or should I just watch my world crumble in front of my eyes, once again. I pick the first one but I'm afraid I've have no courage to. No courage.

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**Like?**

**I just thought i should include a little bit of Beli! (hahah bad couple name) Anyways, i think i might add a new character in the next chapter but otherwise...just look forward to a fight...I'm saying who between...but don't get too excited. LOL and lets say 4 reviews till i post next chapter!**


	4. Something New

**Hey Readers! Sorry i haven't updated in a loooong time. So here is i guess a short chapter. I'm away all weekend and next week I'm going to Quebec for a week. I'll be back on Friday! And i'll try to make another chapter on Saturday! If i get time I'll try to make another one this weekend on like Family Day (its a holiday in Canada, not so sure if in the U.S.A) anyways heres the new chapter! ENJOY!**

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I wake up groggy. I hardly slept last night. I jump out of bed and go take a shower. I get dressed in a pair of jeans and a blazer and skip breakfast this morning.

I'm early for school. That's a new one for Eli Goldsworthy. Miss Dawes will be proud. I sit in Morty waiting for the bell to ring.

Adam comes up to the window and taps on it. He smiles when I look at him. Shit, this kid is always so fucking happy. Why can't I be like him? That's right I'm the "Emo". A depressed teenager who's been thinking of suicide...yes, you read that right, suicide.

I must sound really lame now thinking about committing suicide over a break up. It's more than that. I ruin everyone's lives. I got Julia pregnant, ruined her life. I got Julia killed, ruined her friends and family's live. I ruined Adam's by starting a fight with Fitz. Now he's a target for all bullies. And I ruined Clare's. My precious Clare, well not mine anymore. She hates me but still loves me. Fuck, I really screwed up her.

I unlock the door and Adam slides into the passenger seat. He smiles at me again. It's taking all my restraint not to punch him. Wow, how can I even think about punching my best friend?

"Hey dude what's up?" Adam says. I know he really doesn't care he just wants me to ask him.

"Not much, just that Clare still won't confess her love for me."

"The usual."

"Yeah." I sigh.

He looks at me expectantly. I sigh again and say "So Mr. Sunshine what's got you extra sunny today?"

Adams smile flies off his face. "Well, let's just say I got a couple bases last night."

"3rd base?" I ask.

"Yeah! It was so intense. The best part was no alcohol was involved. Just Fiona and me."

"Wow, dude! You're almost at as far as I went with Clare."

"Yeah!" Now it's Adam's turn to sigh. He does too, at the thought of sex. I'm not very sure of how you have sex if you're Transgender but I don't ask. I've already ruined Adam's life enough.

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I sit in Miss Dawes class staring at my hands. Its fifteen minutes into first period. This is sooooo boring. I usually like English because of the literature and well, Clare. But today Miss Dawes is going on about something that was in the news paper. And Clare, well you know.

I look up when I hear Miss Dawes voice of topic, "Allyiah, you're late again. One more time and I'm going to have to give you a detention."

I look over at the girl. She's tall and her skins a light brown colour. Her dirty blonde hair hangs in little ringlets at her shoulders. She's very pretty and in a way kind of cute. She looks nowhere near the age of 16, in exception of her height.

"Sorry, Miss Dawes. My parents lost the key to my cage." She says. Her voice is comical with a hint of calmness. It's soothing to hear her voice, reminds me of Clare. Miss Dawes laughs and continues on with her rant while Allyiah goes to her seat.

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I walk to my locker. Clare stands there waiting for me, so it seems. She looks at me tears in her eyes. Finally! She came here to tell me she wants to get back together.

"Eli." She says as if she's saying "hi".

"Clare."

"Eli I don't really know how to tell you this...but..you know this hard...but i...can't see you in pain anymore-" she carries on.

"Get to the point, Clare." I'm anxious. I've been waiting for a three months to hear this.

"Eli, you and me wasn't meant to be and you made that obvious when you slept with Bianca. I know you still think there is still hope but I can't let you think that anymore. Eli, were never getting back together. Never. Ok?" Clare looks at me concerned that I might faint. Psh, faint! Faint, No! Barf, May be!

"Ok." I whisper. She nods her head and leaves.

I'm breaking down inside. I know that tears are coming up, shit; I'm going to look so lame. I grab my bag from my locker and run out of the school. I run down De Grassi Street and then-BUMP-!

I smash into Allyiah. The books she was carrying go flying. She's on the floor surprised. I pick up the books and help her up.

She looks at me for a moment then says "Your Elijah, right?"

"Eli." I correct her. She ignores me and says "Elijah, what brings you here to this marvellous side walk?"

She says my name in a way that doesn't make me hate it. Her voice isn't twiney or pitchy it's, it's just right.

"Umm. I was just going to the park."

"So was I. And it's that way." She raises her arm and points behind over my shoulder.

"Oh. Yeah." I mutter sounding liking an idiot.

She grabs her books from my hands and start walking in the direction of the park. She stops after a couple meters then turns around and looks at me confused.

"What'cha waiting for? C'mon!" She yells. I can tell this is the start of something new.

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"So what happened with you and that Clare chick?" Allyiah asks me. She bites into her apple. Her full pink lips around the apple, almost like kissing it. Oh god, why is this turning me on. She takes another bite from her apple and stares at me.

"Uhhh...you know." That's all I can say.

"No, I don't know." Allyiah looks at me not buying a word I'm saying. I can see her distinctive features. She has big chocolate brown eyes and dark thick eyelashes circling them. Her nose is small and is in a shape of a ski jump. Her lips are plump and a soft pink. And when she smiles, oh god I know what Bruno Mars means.

"Well, we broke up." I say the obvious.

"I knew that dummy, I meant why?" Curiosity lit up in her eyes.

"I just did something bad." I say defensively. Too defensively, I can see the hurt in Allyiah's eyes.

"Sorry. I didn't know it was such a soft topic." She looks at the ground and adjusts herself on the picnic bench.

"No, I'm sorry. For the abrupt out burst." I apologize.

"It's ok."

"You sure?"

"yes." She reassures me.

"I'm just surprised you don't have another girlfriend, already."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're sweet, your smart, and your..." she stops.

"I'm what?" I hold my hand up to my ear in a taunting way.

"Your kind of cute." She says softly.

"Kind of?" I laugh.

"Ok, a lot." My ego soars. I'm a smug guy, what do you expect? She stares at the ground embarrassed. She shouldn't be. It's been a while since Clare complimented me. I reach over and grab her chin and tilt it up so she has to look at me.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." She reaches down and grabs her bag. She stands up and starts to walk away. I hurriedly get up and call out to her "So when?"

She turns around and looks at me in confusion. "What?"

"When do you want to do this again?"

"I'm free tomorrow afterschool. Just don't bump into me again." She smiles and I look at the ground shyly.

"Ok, the park 3 o'clock?"

"Great." She says and walks away. Holly shit; I think I'm falling for this girl. Or I'm not over Clare. But I certainly got a major crush on her. Oh god, I sound like a preteen girl. A crush.

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"Hey, Boy Toy! What'cha doing afterschool?" Bianca asks me. She's got her hands on my shoulder. I shake them off.

"I got a date." I say, smirking at her jealousy. Wow, so Bianca actually likes me.

"You and the Saint got back together?" Bianca asks.

"No. I'm going out with Allyiah." I say pride written on my face.

"Allyiah, as in Danforth which is Brandon Danforth's sister." She laughs.

"Who's Brandon Danforth?" I ask oblivious.

"Like the hottest grade 12! I did him like once or twice. There he is now." She points to a guy at the end of the hall. He's very tall and looks like Allyiah but boy-version.

"Your point is?" I don't see the problem. Her brother may be the so called "hottest" boy and a jock but what does that have to do with her?

"See the similarity. That makes her like the hottest girl in grade 11 after me of course. She would never go for you. Like the only reason I went for you is because I heard you had big junk. And oh boy, did you match that rumour." Shit, this girl disgusts me so much. I can't believe I slept with her. I never will.

"Well, she told me I was cute." I say, realizing at the last second it sounds so lame.

"Ok, Dr. Doom. Have fun but I wont be here next time when you need some lovin'." Ha. We both know she's here whenever I need here to be. Not that I will.

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Like?

And please review! Now you guys hate me probably for making the character Allyiah...but what you think is going to happen will but something else will which will make you happy, i think. Anyways REVIEW! And i have to go pack now for Quebec (its in Canada).


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